opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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