3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
