He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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