Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
