you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
