It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
