why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
