My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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