I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
