mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
