I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Come on in and take your pants off
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