I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
