I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
