Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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