Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
