I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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