Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
