ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
