How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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