Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
