I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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