your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
