I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
