ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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