is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
