Banned from zoo.
Again?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
