i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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