Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
