just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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