so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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