party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
