I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
as a side note pls kill me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
