You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The air was thick with penises
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
