The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
