Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made out with two different species that night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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