a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
