i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
