i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
