im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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