I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bring me that man meat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
