You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
