ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
