I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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