I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
