guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
