One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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