just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
be right there i have to get my cape
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
