I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
