Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
