We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
