i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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