did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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