ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
